Wheels of Steel Book 4 Read online

  Wheels of Steel

  Book 4

  Pepper Pace

  Published by Pepper Pace Publications

  Cover design;

  Ho-Z Design

  http://hozdesign.com/

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Any reference to music is in no attempt to claim ownership. All rights belong to the musical artists. This book contains graphic depictions of sexual acts, explicit language and is intended for adults only. This book is part of a series and should be read in order.

  Copyright © 2013, 2014, 2015 Pepper Pace.

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever, except for short excerpts appearing in book reviews. For reprint or excerpt permission inquiries, please contact the author by e-mail at [email protected] or http://pepperpacefeedback.blogspot.com. No new to be high, music used by permission of Ho-Z.

  Wheels of Steel book 4 first published and distributed in the United States of America in 2015.

  Dedication

  Jun Seeba aka Nujabes. February 7, 1974 – February 26, 2010

  ABOUT WHEELS OF STEEL

  Most who are familiar with my writings know the origins of Wheels of Steel. A young man by the name of Ho-Z sent me a letter about creating a romantic story that includes a man in a wheelchair. Afterwards, Ho-Z became a dear friend of mine, as well as my musical ‘twin’. We could talk music for hours upon hours and the fact that this twenty-one year old Caucasian Norwegian kid knows more about hiphop than I do was mind-blowing. The fact that he is also stricken with cerebral palsy is a stumbling block but not a blockade. A digital artist, musician, as well as an entrepreneur, Ho-Z taught me that you don’t have to ‘ignore’ your perceived disabilities—but be proud of your accomplishments despite them.

  As I used him as an inspiration for the hero in the story I decided that the character of Top would have cerebral palsy as well. Top and Ho-Z are not one in the same but his musical knowledge was an aspect of the story that I had to incorporate. How could I not?

  But what many people don’t know is that there are very many elements of WOS that have been pulled from my own personal life. At the time that I wrote this story I was going through the same stomach problems that Robin was experiencing. Robin was coming to terms with the loss of her father—as was I, and the scene where she remembers her last days with him was pulled straight from my own life. My dear friend had the same unfortunate history as Belinda and perhaps that is why this story touches so many people—because pain recognizes pain.

  As mentioned before, this story has appeared in separate books but it is still truly only one story. It is not my intent to leave you with cliff-hangers, however that will probably be the case. Some may ask how long this series will be and for that I have no answer. I do not want this story to die and so as long as I have the power to do so, I will continue to breath life into it. Thank you.

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  ABOUT WHEELS OF STEEL

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Awards

  Chapter One

  “We are two people tip-toeing through a minefield,” Robin said. “We’re afraid to mess up, afraid of how easy it is to lose everything.”

  Belinda listened. She was staring at her bare feet against the neatly trimmed grass and clover. She and Robin were in the garden, which was made private by tall hedges and shade trees. There was a stone path that led from the kitchen nook to a private area where comfortable outdoor furniture had been situated around a stone fire pit.

  They were supposed to be getting ready for the barbecue that Jason was having to celebrate his birthday but somehow one thing had led to another and Robin and Belinda had gone from gossiping about trivial events that they’d seen on Twitter to having a deep heart to heart about Jason and Robin’s relationship—all while sharing a joint.

  They were reclining on a low black wicker sectional, which was piled high with cushions. Robin was lying on the chaise portion while Belinda was propped up on the sofa portion.

  Belinda flicked her toes against the soft grass, enjoying the feel of it and enjoying the missed time with her friend.

  “You and Jason have had some rough times. But with Amberly heading back to Japan the main part of your problems are gone.” Belinda quickly added; “Not that I don’t love that girl, but there was no way that she could think things would be hunky dory between you two. Not after you decked her and not after you sang that song about her.” Belinda shook her head at the idea of Robin Mathena from six months ago doing those things to Amberly.

  Robin had been outraged after she had slept with Jason only to learn afterwards that he had Amberly actually living in his house. Robin had not only decked her but had decked him too. After she had calmed some, she had regretted her actions and had invited the entire crew to last night’s final performance of the summer for her group Orange Crush.

  But then Robin had looked at Amberly sitting there so happy and something had welled up inside of her—maybe not hatred but she would never trust that girl again. And the result had been a song—a special song that she had sang directly to Amberly. Amberly had gotten the message loud and clear and last night she and her husband had moved out of Jason’s place by the time the two of them had returned.

  Jason hadn’t been happy about her actions. At the time it had seemed completely appropriate … this morning, when she was no longer high it was a different story.

  Robin took another draw from the joint and passed it back to Belinda. “It’s not just Amberly.” She closed her eyes. “He hated what I did, but he didn’t tell me that. He wouldn’t dare tell me that. I know that when it comes to her, he has to walk a delicate line—but even before that, this entire week has been sex—which is always good, and fear. It’s that fear that prevents us from being who we used to be.” Robin sat up from the chaise and looked at Belinda closely.

  “It’s him afraid that one little thing will send me running away. It’s me not wanting to put all of my eggs into one basket. I feel like I need to hold something back. But I don’t want to wonder when the next shoe is going to drop. And that’s what I’m doing—what we’re both doing. I’m not the same person that I used to be, Belinda. I’m not going to allow myself to hurt like I did before. I’m putting something around my heart now and it’s got …” she looked at a distant point. “It’s got spikes around it.”

  Belinda took a draw from the joint and handed it back to Robin who declined it with a short wave of her hand. Belinda thought about her friend’s words and remembered when she had done the same, had thrown their friendship back at them because by not letting people in they couldn’t hurt you—but also they couldn’t love you. She sighed.

  “Look, maybe this is the way you’re supposed to be for a while. Careful. It’s like self-preservation. You’re not going to allow your feelings to keep getting beat up on. But …” Belinda
swallowed. “Pain can change you. A lot of people put armor around themselves and they live a lonely life; a long lonely life. That could have been me—if I hadn’t opened up and let you guys back in. If I hadn’t opened my heart I wouldn’t be here now sitting with you.”

  Robin smiled and squeezed Belinda’s knee affectionately. She thought about how Miss Lucille had spent the last thirty years fantasizing about a life that she had not allowed herself to live. And what about her own Mother? After her daddy’s death it had taken two full years for her mother to admit to herself that she was more than a widow.

  Belinda continued talking. “We all have to ask ourselves what it is we want in the deepest parts of our hearts—the parts that we don’t share with others because it’s a part that we can hardly tell ourselves.”

  Robin looked at Belinda quickly.

  She continued, “Then we have to decide if the price we have to pay is worth it.”

  Robin had already asked herself and answered that question. She wanted to love Jason. That was the thing she most desired.

  “I know that I can make it without Jason, but without him my life felt joyless. Everyday I waited for it to get better. And there were days where I could laugh—but not as hard as when I laughed with Jason. I could be happy but it never touched the heights of joy that I experienced when Jason was in my life. I know that I can live without Jason in my life—but it ain’t nothing like living when he’s in my life.”

  Belinda smiled but it was stopped short when Robin gave Belinda an intense look.

  “But that doesn’t mean that I won’t walk away if I need to.”

  Belinda took one more draw from the joint and put it out on one of the stones near her feet.

  “You two aren’t the same people that you were six months ago.” Belinda could see that in just the few days that she had been reunited with her friend. “You two have to relearn each other, I think. And maybe you won’t feel the same once that happens.”

  Robin was shocked by her friend’s statement. She loved Jason but that didn’t mean that everything between them would instantly repair itself. They had broken a lot of things—and among them was trust. She was willing to work on it but neither she nor Jason knew how to be themselves around the other without fear.

  “We have to stop tip-toeing around each other,” Robin said while lying back down on the chaise and closing her eyes. She needed him to know that she wouldn’t run away every time the going got rough. And she needed to know that he realized that she was more than just his girlfriend, his caregiver, his lover etc., but a person that had her own individual needs.

  Robin and Belinda knew that they couldn’t linger much longer in the garden. Peter had taken Jason to get a haircut and Jason’s Mom and Dad would arrive later that evening to celebrate Jason’s birthday. Jason had mentioned that his Dad was anxious to meet her—which she felt uneasy about. They had only been together less than a week. And although she had no plans to go anywhere, they were still standing on shaky ground.

  She didn’t even look forward to seeing Mrs. Hamilton who she actually liked. Jason’s mom was astute and Robin was afraid that she would read her like a book; her fears, her desires, her mistrust …

  Jason and Peter returned while Robin and Belinda were showering away the smell of marijuana from their bodies. Peter knew that Belinda smoked pot and while he did not indulge he had no problems with her doing it.

  Jason was a different story. He neither drank nor did illegal drugs--and the girl that he had fallen in love with did not either. Jason had fallen in love with a naïve, virginal, deeply shy girl. And Robin was no longer that same person.

  She mulled over Belinda’s words that they had to relearn each other … and maybe they wouldn’t feel the same about each other.

  Jason disliked that she smoked pot but Robin enjoyed the way pot made her feel, the way the tension and anxiety sifted away, and the way she stopped caring about the small things. She convinced herself that it was much better than drinking and that her ulcers weren’t affected by it. Only, sometimes being high was bad for her. It made her sing songs to people that she might later regret.

  It had made it easier for her to be sexually involved with men she didn’t even desire.

  And if detected in her blood stream it would make it impossible for her to get a job at a rehabilitation facility working for children with disabilities.

  However, if she stopped smoking pot it would be her decision and not because Jason disapproved.

  Robin stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her and jumped when she saw Jason standing in the bedroom examining the underwear that she had laid out on the bed along with the sundress that she was going to wear.

  “Jason!” she yelped.

  He jumped and dropped her panties back to the bed with a guilty expression.

  He looked at her and grinned. “I was just imagining you in them.” Which was the truth but he was also imagining taking them off of her—with his teeth.

  Jason’s attraction for Robin had transformed in the months since their separation. In the past it had mainly manifested itself sexually. And certainly, he still became aroused at the sight of her in moments like this, when she was fresh out of the shower and naked beneath a short towel.

  But mainly his desire was just to have her. Not sexually but physically in his presence, in his life. That desire far outweighed his need for sex. Tomorrow he would be twenty years old and he still wanted sex every single day just like when he had been a teenager.

  But now he was different because Robin was not his sexual outlet any longer. He didn’t dream about finding her so that he could have sex with her. He’d spent night after night dreaming about finding his joy, his best friend, the portion of himself that without her felt truly crippled.

  His eyes swept over her, capturing her short brown hair, which she would soon blow-dry out into a cute little Afro. And her little round nose that drew the eye to full bow lips that begged to be suckled. And most captivating of all were light colored grey-hazel eyes that peeked beneath hooded, almond shaped lids that seemed at odds with her deep brown skin. She was average height with a shapely body that was neither too thin nor too thick although the latter was something that had taken Jason months to convince her of.

  This woman, who had disappeared from his life only to reappear tentatively and unsure, was the one person that he had opened up to and had shared everything with; the first person he’d made love with, the first person he’d shared a pregnancy scare with, the first person other than himself that he’d wept out of fear for and the first person to love him with total abandon.

  He inhaled deeply, breathing in the feeling that had grown so large in his chest that it felt like an actual weight sitting on him. His love for Robin was desperate. He would do whatever it took to make sure she never left him again—including reigning in his sexual desires.

  Robin crossed the room and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him quickly. She was not going to start anything with Jason only to have to hop right back into the shower in order to wash off the smell of sex. They had already done things this morning that had created the need for her first shower of the day.

  She allowed her fingers to run through his hair.

  “I like your haircut.”

  His response was to lean in and kiss her again but afterwards she slipped out of his arms and hurried to the dresser where she had set up a small menagerie of makeup, deodorant, perfumes and lotions.

  “Not too short,” she said while securing the towel around her body and reaching for the deodorant.

  She liked his wild red hair and the way it haloed his face whenever he had been too preoccupied to brush it. Now, months later, he kept it tamed but it still ran past his ears and into his face. The haircut had only served to reduce some of the length so that it no longer touched his shoulders. But it was still long enough so that whenever he leaned over her it would still cascade over his face and sweep along her skin to tantalize her.


  Robin squeezed her knees together, fighting back the desire that only Jason had the power to quench.

  He leaned his cane against the bed and limped to his walk-in closet. “I think I’ll change too.” It was a humongous space and his clothes only filled a portion of it, so the rest he had crowded with unused studio equipment, speakers and an obnoxiously large boombox.

  Robin watched him as she applied her lotion. Her eyes swept over his broad back and the way it tapered down to a toned waist. He was perfectly built and if he stood there without moving, no one would know that he had been born with cerebral palsy. His condition was not considered the most severe even though he had been relegated to a wheelchair for most of his adult life. His speech had been slurred and hard to understand and his hands and fingers were almost impossible for him to control.

  But within the last few months Jason had gotten back on Baclofen, which helped to control his errant muscle movements. His muscles still pulled and strained and his head swung when he didn’t necessarily mean it too, but Baclofen had given Jason back the use of his legs, that along with a half body orthotics, which encased his legs from hip to ankle.

  It still amazed her when she watched him without him knowing and he stood doing some task and his body seemed calm. The CP was more obvious when you faced him head on and his green eyes watched from a face that had muscles, which jerked and controlled his expression that controlled his voice that controlled his hands.

  It was all calmer—he was calmer. He was different.

  He came out of the closet carrying a t-shirt with the Wheels Of Steel Logo on it. He held it up against his torso.

  “Hey, did I show you this?” He asked proudly.

  It was black with the name of the new WOS album written on it, Nocturnal Transcendence coming Fall 2015.

  Robin stood in awe and took the t-shirt. “Can I wear this?”